12 August 2011

La ville de la lumière
...or something like that.






Paris was amazing :) Seriesusement, mes amis, you should try to get your lil selves there si possible, if possible.  I went to Paris with  a group of students and staff from mon université in Montreal. It was one of the craziest, most challenging, beautiful, SMELLY!, delicious, bond-making, habit-breaking trips of this littlebiddie's life. Oh how I wish I could TAKE YOU. Ah mes amis, mes amis goodness gracious how many times I had to pinch myself as I walked out of my Parisian apartment door, rode the metro (like a pro obviously), ate my lil pain au chocolat (chocolate croissant! UHM OUI.), wore a lil scarf hehe, and attempted to speak la langue française, the utterly delish little language of French. However... despite how quite romantic and lovely it sounds, my month long frolic around the land of baguettes and berets, was in fact,  a very difficult trip! And to be completely bare-boned honest with you, I left the City of Lights with the sinking feeling that some of the people in the City of Lights are, well, not so heureux, happy. But then again, I can feel the same thing in New York. Goodness gracious, I love people and I love places filled with vibrant life, vivid culture, delectable food, mind-blowing art, but sometimes I think the world is. so. focused. on the complete wrong things. What the heck man! When I'm 80 all I will want to know is that I've helped people, ya knowwwww? I just want people to feel loved and happy, and not feel lost a midst crowds, and noise, and subways, and exhaust, and poverty, and pee on the streets, and garbage underneath old benches and...everything else. 

Paris gave me persepctive. Beautiful, loving, grace-filled perspective. I love my Parisian friends! And Paris is indeed beautiful, just as they say. (and the bread ohlalalalala) But! I hope to see, not just in Paris, but everywhere,  more sourires,  more smiles. More truly satisfied, hope-filled people.

I know it is hard for people to take me seriously and all, on account of my resemblance to a curious lil gamin, kid. But all petitee jokes aside, there is reeeeeal hope. This is where this littlebiddie found it a couple of years ago...

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him." John 3:16-17


...this does not mean, however, that there were not many little biddie adventures in la ville de la lumière though ;) Adventures with God are just that much more fun hehehehehe so much to tell!

09 August 2011


So I felt completely guilty today. Quite guilty.


I realize this guilt's existence in my (smallish) brain is quite justified. QUITE justified. A friend told me recently that I have many fun, often creative, sometimes useful, and, on very rare occasions, good ideas. But then she said something that has not ceased to bother my little self in quite a while.

"You have all these ideas! But then you never actually follow through with any of them."

Now, my little heart nearly dropped all over my honey-brown wooden floor as I sat in my chair and stared at that very same honey-brown wooden floor. It was so true.

Never, well RARELY, do I follow through with the things I say, plan, proclaim that I will do. WHY!?  What's even worse is that this means that I am one of those. YES. One of those...

The unreliable friend.

OHMYGOSH I can barely look at the words I've just typed. OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH! It's true! I am unreliable! Oh goooodness gracious. I am going to need some type of chocolate laden SOMETHING as I ponder this.

Okay no seriously eating your feelings, I am told, is not the answer. But actually chocolate at any time of the day is just a lovely thing. And well, I am personally a lively supporter of the dark chocolate against  free radicals brigade. Whatever in the world a free radical is, I am not sure, but you see chocolate is somehow the answer to the stopping of these little rascals.

Anyways. Back to my life fail. I've decided that I cannot, absolutely CANNOT ccontinue to be an unreliable daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, uhmuhm... american citizen! voter! recycle-er! erm...reader! No more books half finished! Jane Eyre-HERE I COME!!

I WILL NOT BE UNRELIABLE! However, in keeping with my idiotic unreliable nature, I am obviously horrendous at keeping resolutions and the like. So this declaration against unreliability actually cannot be anything like a resolution. MAIS NON! This has to be an actual change in behavior. And for that, there is only one place to go.

ANTHROPOLOGY! hehe okay noooo. Je rigole, je rigole, I jest, dear friend, I jest.
I'd be lying through my brace-free (for six years now!) lil teeth if I told you that I drew my strength, determination, and purpose from anywhere except God. In fact, there's less of me doing anything, and more of Him doing everything. Reading the Bible, as nun-ish as that sounded to me in my wee years, has come to mean the world to me. It's that powerful. It's one of the primary ways I connect to God. [ and He is preeeeety darn cool. Sense of humor too, right Lord?! hehe :) ]

So it is with this strength, His strength, that I will find the ability to be reliable. Afterall, Jesus was the most reliable person ever. He came to this place, with idiotic unreliables like me running around, and chose to die for us. He had the choice to not be killed, but chose to let Himself be led to the cross because He. cared. that. much. Without Him, I wouldn't have my relationship with God.

Now that's the kind of reliability I look towards. That's the kind of reliability I want to grow to display and live and be.  I am not much of a risk taker. ( Helmut, seat belt, and SPF 30 all day, errday.) But Jesus' kind of proactive reliability is something I want. And I'm willing to make changes to do that. So here's to BEING RELIABLE. Starts NOW.

impromtu mini rap for motivation:

free radicals G?
nah, I wanna be radically free
of my stupidity
my unreliability
its my passivity
taking hold of me
hot diggi-ty.

So whoopwhoop there you go.
Im a changing woman, yo.